6 Tips for Respectful Family Conversations with Polarized Political Views: How to Keep the Dialogue Productive
Family conversations with individuals holding polarized political views can be challenging but are also opportunities for growth and understanding. These discussions often touch on deeply held beliefs, creating tension or defensiveness. However, when approached with respect, patience, and curiosity, they can foster deeper connections. Rather than focusing on “winning” an argument, family members can use these moments to better understand each other’s values and life experiences, building bridges instead of walls. Encouraging open dialogue while maintaining empathy is key to navigating these conversations constructively.
To keep discussions respectful and productive, here are six tips suggested from Dr. William J. Doherty:
1. Each person is entitled to their own political beliefs, and should not try to force those beliefs onto others. If you are losing your own equilibrium over your family member’s or partner’s beliefs, you may need to explore working on differentiation-of-self.
2. Try working towards accepting the other’s political orientation instead of trying to change it. Remember: You can never change a family member, you can only change yourself.
3. Try being understanding and find ways to counteract boundary invasions.
Examples: Knowing when to avoid conversations and learning how to exit without criticizing or being defensive.
4. Look for the commonalities in values that’s underneath the differences.
5. Utilize effective communication tools when engaging in political conversations.
Such as: curiosity, listening to understand, and finding areas of agreement.
6. For those who feel close to or ready for cut-off, consider:
Differentiate the anger at the political party and its leaders from your loved one.
Think about if you want to blow up your family or marriage over this difference.
These strategies can help maintain family connectedness while addressing difficult topics.
Reference:
Doherty Ph.D, W. J. (2024, October 18). The Citizen Therapist: Our Role In A Divided World [Conference presentation]. Metro MFT Association, Silver Spring, MD.
Additional Resources:
Articles:
Mixed partisan households and electoral participation in the United States by Eitan Hersh and Yair Ghitza
Political Sectarianism in America by Eli Finkel and others
Is There Hope for a Divided America? Tales From the Better Angels Bus Tour by William J. Doherty
The Effect of Partisanship and Political Advertising on Close Family Ties by M. Keith Chen
Book:
I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics: How to Protect Your Intimate Relationships in a Poisonous Partisan World Book by Jeanne Safer
Ieisha Dale
Author, Adult & Family Psychotherapist
I’m Ieisha Dale, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in Washington, DC, offering both telehealth and in-person services. With 8 years of experience, I specialize in working with children (ages 10+), teens, adults, families, and couples. My areas of focus include Couples Therapy, Domestic Partnership, Relationship Decoupling & Discernment Counseling, Family Therapy, Intergenerational Trauma, and Child Behavioral Issues. I incorporate Gottman method and emotion-focused techniques to help couples strengthen their relationships and navigate challenges.
