Navigating College Stress: Understanding the Window of Tolerance
Have you ever done or said something in the heat of the moment - and later thought to yourself “where did that come from? Why did I respond that way?” Or maybe the opposite. Maybe you didn’t say or do something in a moment that typically, you would have. Let me be the first to raise my hand and say - yes, absolutely. In some form or fashion, most of us have experienced this. Though we aren’t typically proud of those moments, the fact that they happen is a completely normal experience. The Window of Tolerance is a model that has empowered me to understand what is happening within me in moments of stress and overwhelm.
A model developed by Dr. Dan Seigel, the Window of Tolerance helps us to conceptualize the nervous system. The nervous system plays many integral roles, including helping us make sense of our environment and surroundings. In an ideal state, our nervous systems are constantly in flow between sympathetic “fight or flight” and parasympathetic “rest and digest” states.
I remember learning the basics of the “fight or flight” response as a teenager, but the extent of my understanding was this: when your body senses danger, adrenaline kicks in. From there, you fight or run, doing whatever it takes to get out of the threatening situation. Or, sensing no way out, you freeze. My understanding was that this happens in very specific situations. Maybe when you’re hiking and you see a bear. (Or if you’re like me and grew up in Florida, more likely to encounter a gator in the wild). The fight, flight, freeze response is a physiological response meant to keep us safe - to mobilize us when we sense any kind of threat. The key here? ANY kind of threat. So yes, the fear of an animal attack would set this response off. But what if someone looks at you the wrong way? Or says something that hits a sore spot in an argument?
What is the Window of Tolerance?
The Window of Tolerance is a metaphor for the nervous system. When we are within our window, we feel calm, connected, and able to manage stressors that may come our way. When our nervous systems sense a threat, we move out of that window into states of either hyperarousal (fight or flight), hypoarousal (freeze), or a combination of both.
When in hyperarousal, we may experience symptoms like:
Anxiety/panic
Hypervigilance
Outbursts of anger
Intrusive Thoughts
Sweating
Heart racing
Impulsivity
In hypoarousal, we may experience:
Low energy
Depression
Numbness
Feeling mentally “foggy”
Difficulty focusing or concentrating
Frozen or slowed down responses
Lack of interest
In these states, our brain’s connectivity to the prefrontal cortex, or PFC, is severely weakened. The PFC is the most evolved brain region, and it is responsible for complex cognitive functions such as impulse control, rationale, planning, and decision making. This weakened connection when we are in states of stress is what may lead us to do or say things out of the norm - anything to help us survive the perceived threat.
A helpful visual from the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM):
(Photo from NICABM, 2017)
So what causes us to get out of our “window”?
There are many factors that can push us out of our window of tolerance. From unmet physical needs such as hunger or lack of sleep (think Maslow's hierarchy of needs) to reminders of trauma or stressful events, or even other environmental triggers like loud noises or crowds. These vary from person to person and are shaped by our individual experiences. One thing I would encourage is to begin to pay attention to what circumstances may push you outside of your window of tolerance.
Checking in with Yourself
Some questions that may be helpful to ask yourself:
What does it feel like to be inside of my window?
What symptoms do I notice in myself when I’m out of my window? Do I go towards hypo-, hyper-arousal, or both?
What situations/circumstances may trigger this response?
What can help me get back into my window when I am out of it? And what can help expand my window of tolerance?
“Widening” The Window of Tolerance
There are a lot of things that may affect our nervous system’s ability to regulate. Chronic stress and/or trauma, particularly in childhood, can have a significant impact on the size of an individual’s window. The more we experience it - the more time we spend expecting that overwhelm - the smaller that window is.
The great news is this: just because your window may be smaller than you would like doesn’t mean that it can’t be expanded. We are capable of shifting our state of being. Though it often takes time and practice (and I would argue, therapy also really helps!), we can change the way that we respond to overwhelming situations.
Recommendations
Seeking support
We may notice triggers and ask ourselves: why does this thing even bother me to begin with? There may be triggers that we don’t fully understand, and having a professional to parse through these things with can be helpful.
Grounding
This can look like breathwork or meditation, which is what one might typically think of when the word “grounding” is said. However, this can also look more active. Does it help to move your body and go for a walk? Lift weights? Run? If in a frozen state of low energy, maybe it’s more helpful to lay with a weighted blanket. Anything that gets you into your body is grounding. Lighting a candle, doing some tapping (YouTube has great EFT and EMDR techniques for this), deep breathing - these are all examples of things that may help ground us.
Nutrition and Sleep
Making sure that your basic needs are met have a huge impact on your window of tolerance and overall mental health! If you’re having difficulty with either of these areas, please work with a primary care provider for further recommendations.
Why This Matters
This matters because when we are aware of it - when we name it and understand it - we can work to change it. The goal is not to never become dysregulated, or to never get out of our window of tolerance again. The goal is to be able to recognize when we are in a heightened or down-regulated state, to know what may have caused that shift, and build skills to regulate our nervous system.
I was 23 years old when I first learned about the Window of Tolerance. I remember thinking then, and frankly still think now, how useful it would have been to know sooner. Especially as I had just finished up four years of navigating all of the ups and downs that college can bring: who I was apart from my family of origin, what I wanted to pursue in my career, what communities I belong to, how I show up in relationships. As a therapist working with children, adolescents, and young adults, I emphasize this concept with everyone I see, aiming to empower them to understand themselves better and support their healing journey.
Recommended Resources
If you’re interested in learning more about the window of tolerance, below is a list of some of my favorite resources. Everyone’s learning style is different- so go with what works for you!
Book: “Widen the Window” by Elizabeth A. Stanley, PhD
Podcast: Aundi Kolber: Discovering the Window of Tolerance (Replay)
Video: Window of Tolerance and Emotion Regulation (Dr. Dan Seigel)
Victoria Wingate-Rivera, LMSW
Author, Psychotherapist
Hi, I’m Victoria Wingate-Rivera (she/her), a Licensed Graduate Social Worker practicing in Maryland, DC, and Virginia. I have over 10 years of experience working with children, teens, and adults, and I’m passionate about creating a space where you can feel supported and understood. My work focuses on helping people navigate complex trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, and loss. My approach is all about meeting you where you are and finding ways to work together that feel right—whether that’s through exploring thoughts and feelings or using techniques like mindfulness, visualization, or EMDR to help connect the mind and body.
When I’m not in sessions, you can find me crafting, gaming, or spending time with my husband and our pets. I’m currently accepting new clients and would be honored to support you on your journey.
Sources:
Image:
https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-how-to-help-your-clients-understand-their-window-of-tolerance/
Article:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289514000101
Books:
“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD
“Widen the Window” by Elizabeth A. Stanley, PhD
“Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving” By Pete Walker, MA, MFT
“Try Softer” by Aundi Kolber, MA, LPC
